REAL SCIENCE: Everything is SHIT

“I’m in a world of shit. Yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.”

Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket

Today’s existential thought is brought to you courtesy of your friend, DESTRO.  If you ever thought to yourself, “what a shitty deal” or “this place is a shithole” or “I’m sick of this shit,” I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you.  And that you are right.  In fact, everything IS shit, and everything that isn’t shit, turns into shit.  So if you thought “I’m not shit” you are wrong.  You are shit and will be turning into shit too, just in case.  Allow me to elaborate.


In the beginning, this planet was just a rock.  After millions of fucking years of volcanoes and meteor impacts, shit started to settle down, and bacteria things started to peek out from under the covers to see if it was safe to come out.  Plants evolved in the water.  One day, plants decided to walk out of the ocean and plop they asses down on land.  Plants needed to shit somewhere so they did.  Other bacteria ate this shit and shit themselves, until we got dirt.  Over eons, the dirt got better and better, from things eating and shitting more and more.  The food you eat grows in this shit and since we know that “you are what you eat,” the vegetables you ate came from shit, so you are shit too.  Now that you know that every living thing on Earth owes its existence to seaweed and bacteria shit, let’s explore how everything reverts back to shit…


Ashes to ashes ain’t just a saying.  Though it probably should be “Shit to Shit” instead, we can’t fault prior generations for having some sense of decorum.  When you die, your body breaks down and your shitty self reverts back to the heap of shit from whence it came.  There’s even a LAW for this shit-cycle called the Second Law of Thermodynamics (a.k.a. “Entropy”).  You can look entropy up, but I will sum it all up for you:  it basically just says that “everything turns to shit.”  And because it is a LAW, even GOD ™ himself must follow it, which begs the question:

(Editor’s Note:  blatant blasphemous statement has been removed)

I hope this makes you feel better about things.



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