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BECAUSE WE CAN: LION BURGERS

A step-by-step guide to making and enjoying your own LION BURGERS.

Occasionally, we at IDCAY like to indulge in “exotic meats.”  Why?  Because we can, and because we like to believe that what we eat becomes a piece of us (keep an eye out for our forthcoming piece on “BEAR KEBABS”).

Lion meat is expensive as shit so when you order it, make sure you use it quickly.  If you stick it in the freezer for a year, it will taste like crap when you finally cook it.  More and more stores are starting to carry what they call exotic (buffalo, coyote, etc.) but for lion, you’ll have to go online.  We got ours from Exotic Meat Markets (https://www.exoticmeatmarkets.com/) though at the time of writing, none was available through his website.  They do have bobcat meat, which is probably similar (and almost as cool).  After you place your order, you’ll sometimes get a phone call from a guy asking you “are you SURE you want to buy LION MEAT?”  I’m glad that they take this extra step, because it’s probably a valid question.  Clearly, customer satisfaction at Exoticmeatmarkets.com is job #1.

Your meat will come in a vacuum-packed pouch, ready to eat or freeze.  After looking at awe at the great beast’s raw ground-up flesh, and realizing that you just dropped three bills to make hamburgers out of cat, you should prepare your grill.  When grilling cats, it’s best to probably think of their meat in terms of being between beef and pork.  I don’t know if there are any “worms” in cat that you need burn out of it, but we ended up cooking our burgers “Medium-Well” and they seemed to have turned out best.

Turn the grill all the way up.  Lion meat is very lean so it is recommended that you brush each side of your burgers with olive oil before seasoning and grilling.  With seasoning, simplest is always best (you want to taste the MEAT, not the seasoning), so we kept it simple with salt and pepper only.  We opted for sliders so that more could partake.  Grill times are about what you’d expect for a similar size of ground beef.

When done, place your favorite garnishes on top and enjoy.  Plastic swords are a nice touch that will remind your guests how fucking fancy you can be.

Next, prepare yourself for the experience of eating one of the greatest beasts to roam the planet.  As the meat slides down your throat, you will start to feel energized by the spirit of the lion.  All of your aspirations and goals will suddenly seem to be in reach.  One of our guests got a hard-on.  Look at this guy:

This is how you should feel when you are done.  If not, then you probably cooked it too much or killed the lion’s mojo with too much seasoning.

 

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